CHANGE, IS IT REALLY THAT SCARY?

CHANGE, IS IT REALLY THAT SCARY?

I recently read a post from Pamela Slim’s Blog, How do you want to lead your life? I really enjoyed reading this because it brought about some self-analysis in my own life. Shocking I know! That I, of all people would do self-analysis.

Pamela posed a very good question. “How do you demonstrate leadership in your own life?” I think we all have different ideas about what leadership means and looks like in our lives. The premise is, how do you want to show leadership in your life, verses buying into other people’s definition of what leadership is or needs to be.

The question becomes, if we are going to demonstrate leadership in our lives, then we will need to make some changes. When we talk about change, many people have a knee-jerk reaction. They get all cold and clammy, distracted and nervous. Some people just don’t like change. Why? Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard. It’s too scary or risky. It will require too much. It will upset my whole life. What if we looked at change this way. You get to choose how big or how little you want the change to be. You get to decide if it’s something you really want. You get to choose if it’s the right time and if it’s pertinent to your growth at this point in your life. Changes don’t have to be extreme. We don’t have to buy into an “all or nothing” mentality. Changes can start in our thinking, and be very small steps, which may naturally move into larger steps.

For instance, I might want to make changes, (thus demonstrating leadership in my life), by:

Making a decision about something that has been on the back burner for a while.

Doing things that give me energy.

Implementing a creative schedule so I can create space in my life to do the things I’ve wanted to do.

Giving myself permission to take a 30-minute break each day.

Deciding if I want to live the rest of my life being “superwoman/man.” (Trying to please everyone and do everything and not putting myself of the list.)

Choosing if I want to stay in a career/work environment where I am constantly undervalued, unappreciated or have to compromise my values.

Granted some of these examples may require taking a risk, and may bring with them fearful thoughts and feelings. I love this quote about fear by Susan Jeffers. “We can not escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures…Take a risk a day, one small or bold stroke that will make you feel great once you have done it.” If none of us ever made changes in our lives, where would our world be?

I believe this is what leadership in our own lives is all about. And believe me, I’m speaking to myself here as well. If we aren’t willing to make changes, and take a few risks, then everything stays the same and can become stagnant. Is that how we want to demonstrate leadership in our lives/careers?

How about you? What are your concerns about change? What changes do you want to make in order to demonstrate leadership in your life/career? Who does it require you to be in order to make these changes? Thanks in advance for your comments. I look forward to hearing from you!

Pam Day

What is your Passion? What is your Purpose?

Most likely you have heard a great deal about these two seemingly innocent questions. Career and Life Coaches, Motivational Speakers, Preachers, and Authors are all providing us with valuable information on this topic.. So here I am ready and willing to give my two cents worth. Why? Because I'm Passionate about helping you live a Big Life!

Often times I hear the questions, "why do I need to know what my passions and purpose are? Why shouldn't I find out about them later, maybe when I retire?" If you are asking these questions, the meaning of the words Passion and Purpose have not become fully alive in your heart - yet..

Once they become alive they will no longer remain the meaningless, innocent words they once were. They will light a fire deep within your soul. They will not leave you alone until you heed their calling and pay attention to their soft whispering voice, the voice that is calling you to a bigger life. A life filled with inspiration and a higher purpose.

Maybe you are just fine with where you are in your life. Great! Keep on doing what you are doing so well. However, if this idea of living out your passions and living a more purposeful life calls to you, then please continue reading.

Taking the step to uncover your passions, and implementing that information into your career or life to live more purposeful, may feel a bit daunting or frightening. Yes, that means you may have to change some things about yourself, and your life. You may have to open yourself up to see a new perspective. You may have to start living fully in your values and your belief systems. Change for some can be scary, so the question is, is it worth it? What could be the worst thing that could happen? What could be the best thing that could happen?

Your fears and concerns are valid and real. I get that, I have experienced them and continue to experience them from time to time. But what I know now is that if I let them they will stop me in my tracks and hold me back from being who I am designed to be. Below are some real concerns & challenges that some of my career coaching clients have been working through..

Client Challenge: I'm interested in discovering my passions and purpose, but I'm scared because I've been laid off work and I only have a limited amount of money to get me by until I have to find a another job.

Fresh Perspective: I'm sorry for your loss. Sadly, this is where many of you are in this state of our economy. What if you gave yourself the gift to take a "fear break" and gave yourself permission to put your all consuming fears on the shelf for now? You can take it back down any time you want. What if this situation (loosing your job) gave you the opportunity to have extra time in your life that you may not have had? During this extra time what would you think about carving out a small amount of space in each day or every few days to envision what you would ideally want and listen to the soft whispering voice of your passions?

Client Challenge: I can't make any money doing what I love. OR I shouldn't make any money doing what I love, if I did then I probably wouldn't love it any more.

Fresh Perspective: What evidence do you have in your life that you will not make any money doing what you love or that you will not love it if you do make money? Have you given it a fair try? What limiting beliefs come into play when you think about the statement, "I shouldn't make any money doing what I love?" What is your current belief system about money? Does it need to change?

Client Challenge: My job is continuing to make me more and more stressed. I feel I'm compromising my values & ideals and I feel totally unappreciated and valued, but I am stuck because I'm afraid to leave the money & stability.

Fresh Perspective: The question becomes, how long can you and your family endure this kind of life? Is it really that stable when you are physically and emotionally feeling this way? What was it about this job that you loved in the begining? How can you rekindle that lost love? If you never had anything you loved about it, then what about taking some time off to take inventory of your life, (the pros and cons) and take a leap to move yourself into a better place?

Client Challenge: I have no clue what my passions are, much less how they could make an impact on others around me.

Fresh Perspective: I'm curious, why do you need to know the outcome before you even start? I believe that when we make the decision to find our passions and step onto that path, then the rest will come.

Client Challenge: I don't know how to got about finding what I'm passionate about.

Fresh Perspective: You are not alone! My challenge to you is, are you willing to do a little investigation, take a risk and go for it? Once you make this decision and follow that whisper inside, things, people, ideas and resources will come knocking at your door. Once you take that first step, the path becomes more expansive. You may even discover other paths that are connected to the main path, paths that will take you where you never dreamed you could go.

Client Challenge: I will continue to push through with my job even though it's sucking the life out of me, and when I retire I will then pursue what I would most love to do.

Fresh Perspective: This is great if that is really what you want to do. But what happens if you never get to retirement? Consider this concept, what we do now will help create our future. Who says it has to be all or nothing? Meaning...Quit your job with no financial reserves and pour yourself into finding your career passion and purpose. Or, the other side...Stay in a job that sucks the life out of you and your family, and regret never exploring what you'd most love to do. Finding balance is the key. Balance is the space between these two statements.

I wish you well on your journey of learning to trust and follow that small whisper inside. My hope it that it will teach you more about how God has designed you and broaden your view about your place in this world and how you can contribute to others.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. On this topic of passion and puropse, what challenges you are experiencing in your life right now? What are some fresh perspectives you can offer to others?

Living Wide Awake

What does living a life Wide Awake look like for you? Does zip lining through the trees give you any ideas? If you've never run a zip line I highly recommend it!

What makes you want to jump up out of bed each morning eager to live your day feeling fully alive and dreaming wide awake?

I am going through somewhat of a discovery process around this topic of living Wide Awake. For some reason the other day I became acutely aware of my age. I don't know, I guess it hits everyone at different times in their lives. I'm coming up on 45, now mind you I certainly don't feel that age - most days and I really could care less about the numbers. I began thinking about how much of my life is already over. I don't have a sense of discouragement or regret about what my life has been about or what I've accomplished, but I do have a sense that God is speaking and giving me an urgency to do more. To live BIGGER.

I'm reading a great book by Erwin Raphael McManus called Wide Awake -the future is waiting within you. I highly recommend it if you sense you are walking through life asleep, without a dream, a vision & not living fully engaged in who you are designed to be.

The other day I heard someone say, "I am afraid to start school at my age - it will take 4 years and I'll be 50 years old when I graduate!" Well, guess what - it will still take 4 years and they will still be 50 years old regardless of whether they went to school or not. So why not do what you can do now to create a better future? Erwin McManus states in his book, "destiny is not something waiting for you, but something waiting within you."

The book talks about the limits we put on ourselves, Limiting Beliefs I like to call them. McManus states, "Sometimes the limitations we are willing to accept, establish the boundaries of our existence." Have you ever noticed that often times when you get into a groove of living more fully in who you are, or living more fully in what you are passionate about, that defeating and limiting thoughts begin to invade your mind?

Here's the process I've noticed about how this happens. Limiting thoughts/beliefs creep into our minds, sometimes nonchalantly, sometimes like a loud gong. We stop and listen to them, internalize them and begin to believe them. Little by little we stop doing the things we love, we stop dreaming, we stop creating, we stop imagining. Years later we wake up and realize we are stuck, and living a defeated, boring, joyless life and wonder where all those years went.

Have I painted a picture that any of you can relate with? If not, that is awesome! I acknowledge you for living a life full of purpose, wide awake and fully engaged in your life and who you are designed to be.

If you can relate, here are a few suggestions that may assist you in living wide awake and becoming more of who you are designed to be and how you can begin contributing to the world in a bigger way.

Read the book Wide Awake.

1. Journal, draw a description or picture what your current life looks like. Think in terms of Spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.
   
2. Write, draw or create a vision board of what would need to be different if you were living fully awake and engaged in who you are designed to be. Again, think in terms of Spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.
3. Make a list of your top 5 Limiting Beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
4. Journal about how those 5 Limiting Beliefs are shaping or running your life right now.
5. If you were to live without these Limiting Beliefs who would you be without them? More confident, less stressed, more significant...
6. Tell someone about numbers 1-5.
   

If you want to explore this topic further, give me a call or email. I'd love to give you a free coaching session to help you begin breaking free from these Limiting Beliefs and begin to live Wide Awake!

LEARNING TO LIVE SIMPLY

How are you handling the deluge of information regarding the recession? Is it making you wild with fear of the unknown, and leading to high levels of stress and anxiety? If your answer is yes, then let me assure you, you are not alone! This is an area of concern I hear in many coaching sessions with clients, and in conversations with friends, and colleagues.

So what do we do with the unknown? How can we manage the fear, stress and anxiety? If you have been keeping up with my newsletters, or have been a coaching client you know by now that I am an advocate for three life-changing concepts. It begins with the BE part of our lives.

1. Raise your awareness and be mindful of what God is up to.
2. Change your mindset, and it will change our behavior and the results that we experience.
3. What we do NOW will affect our future.

You may already have a good grasp on these three concepts and are able to say, "it is what it is." You are letting God give you comfort in what your life, finances and career are in this moment. You have surrendered your need to control and are living in the flow, not the fight or flight. You have come to a place of internal peace. So what else might you need?

You know me well enough by now that I always like to throw out other thoughts to ponder. There is another realm that exists to these BE concepts. It is true, when we get in a state of flow in our Spirit, Mind and Body, we experience more of God's peace and clarity. However, reality is still present. Those pesky things like: coming up with the money to pay our mortgage, dealing with our fading retirement, and bringing in extra income have not gone away. In addition, we are constantly weighing things like: taking care of our body by eating healthy foods when the cost seems too high, or how to enjoy life without spending much money, and the list goes on.

That brings us to the DO part of our lives. What do you think about the concept, "Learning to Live Simply?" How many people know how to thread a needle and mend their clothes, grow and store their own food, use what they already own for a different purpose, be creative in entertaining, create and live on a budget, or start a business or a side job to create extra income. I think it's time to come together and share our ideas about what we are doing to Live Simply. Teach those who are willing to learn, and be willing to learn from each other.

Here is an idea... Below are a few suggestions of things that I do or have learned from others to "Live Simply." In turn, you have the opportunity to share with us what you are doing to "Live Simply." If we look at this time in our economy and our lives as an opportunity to help and serve each other, we will be better for it and will be able to brave the storms in a unified force.

By the way, this doesn't have to be rocket science, hence the idea Living Simply. Think of it as expanding our reality and enjoying life in a full and different way.

1. Divert your energy and attention from your fading retirement/savings to something that you can contribute to the world: volunteer, go on a mission trip, write a book, or start a business that will help others...

2. Need extra income? Make a list of all your skills. How can you turn those skills into a side business? Think creatively, for instance I have a cosmetology degree I haven't used in a few years, so I started up a traveling hair and nails service. Maybe you are good at clerical work. Who do you know that is super busy and may need an "on call assistant?" Ask them! Are you great at scrap booking? How many people have you heard say they want one but don't have the time or energy to create it themselves? Have you built something that is beautiful and functional? Who do you know that might want to buy one or three or a hundred.

3. Grow a garden. Don't feel stuck if you are in an apartment or rental. Make a box garden or keep your plants in pots. Grow enough vegetables to freeze or can to last throughout the year. I have also done this with fruit trees/vines. Get your kids involved. It's a chance to spend time with them and you are teaching a lost art to a future generation. If you don't have the know how or space to grow a garden, ask for help or share a space with someone. If you don't like the idea of a garden, buy food at a bulk supply store or shop at farmers markets, freeze or can for future use.

4. Mend your clothes. If you don't know how ask someone who does and teach your kids while your at it.

5. Instead of buying new, re-use your furniture for a different purpose. By doing this you have something original that not everyone else has. My sister-in-law is amazing at this. She had an old beat up piano, ripped the top off and turned it into a beautiful shelving unit to hold her antique plates.

Now it's your turn. Thanks in advance for sharing your ideas.

The Big Bold Barn

As many of you know, along with my life coaching business, my husband Brian and I own a home remodeling business. Our most recent remodeling adventure was to paint a barn. Painting barns usually do not fall into our 'home remodeling job description', but this was a special case for long time clients.

On approximately the fifth day of painting, I began to question my sanity and my decision to agree to do this job. I wanted to be engaging in something I felt passionate about. Coaching, creating, anything but painting this enormous red barn. I began to adopt a rather bad attitude, and felt my physical and emotional energy drain. Have you ever had an experience like this?

I know when my body is communicating with me like this, that it's time do some inner work, refuel and recharge. I began this process by taking time out to journal and meditate and then made a decision to stay alert for what was to show up next. As I read Romans 5 - The Message - appropriately titled 'Developing Patience', here is what stood out. When we experience troubles they will develop passionate patience in us. That patience forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In this alert expectancy we are never left feeling short changed, but the contrary - we can't round up enough containers to hold everything that God generously pours into our lives. I felt this was an apt description of what patience, integrity and abundance looks like. However, I still could not quite get my head around how this applied to me and painting this massive barn. I was definitely not feeling very patient or virtuous.

The next day I began to tell (okay, whine) to a dear friend about my lack of energy, my bad attitude, my wishing I were somewhere else (which by the way is NOT living in the present). She had an amazing revelation which inspired me so much that I felt compelled to share it with you. She posed the question: what if painting this Big Bold Barn - as she called it - was a metaphor for my life. Barns, of course, are big and can hold a lot of stuff; sometimes very valuable stuff. However, what if no one ever maintained the outside of the barn? It would eventually develop leaks, mold, rust, and decay. What would happen to all the abundance inside? Most likely, it would sustain damage.

As I was painting the next day, I began mulling this metaphor of the Big Bold Barn over in my thoughts. How does the inside of the barn relate to my life? I began to think about all the containers of abundance in my life, similar to all the valuable treasures inside of the barn. I have been blessed with loving family and friends, income, good health, opportunities to implement my passion in coaching, music and art and an opportunity to live in a beautiful area. Looking at it from this perspective, how could I possibly feel short changed?

I was then aware of how beautiful the barn looked with it's fresh, clean coat of red and white paint and how it kept the treasures inside protected and free from decay. It was then that I realized the significance of doing the maintenance work on this barn and how it relates to my life. It's important to develop patience and be alert to what God is up to in my life. Persistent repair and maintenance of my Spirit, my heart, my body and my mind are essential. In doing so, I am protecting the gift of abundance and at the same time allowing beauty to be created, inside and out.

What is the Big Bold Barn in your life? I'd love to hear your story.

What do you Truly Believe?

How do you feel when someone says to you, "you are very courageous", or "you have amazing talent." Do you find yourself feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, offer a weak thank you and then quickly change the subject? Have you ever wondered why you react this way? I admit, I have experienced the same types of feelings and reactions.

This last month has been a defining and refining experience for me in the area of Limiting Beliefs. By definition, limiting beliefs are negative messages that were spoken to us from parents, siblings, teachers, friends, religion, etc. In turn, we internalized them as Truth and made them our own. They may have aided us in creating our life story around them. They are like ropes tied around our bodies, tight and constricting in our childhood, but looser in our adulthood. Yet they are still there keeping us bound from fully expressing who we are now and what we are to become.

Limiting Beliefs sound like, "you don't catch on very quickly do you," or being consistently told to "be quiet." They may have been audible or modeled through actions. Such as, unrealistic expectations laid out for you to meet and in turn, if you did not meet them to a tee, you believed you were not good enough or felt guilty.

You may be wondering how limiting beliefs show up or create our life story. Let's go back to the example given earlier. The statement, "you are very courageous," sounds harmless and very complementary doesn't it. I am certain the person that gave the compliment was sincere. For many, the idea of being courageous is a trigger that links to one of our limiting beliefs. We may have been told to make sure we never look or sound self-important, or we were shown how to never believe in ourselves because we were not given ample praise and encouragement. Can you see how this innocent compliment is linked to a limiting belief that creates part of the story of our life?

The amazing gift is that we are not destined to stay in this belief system. We can turn them around based on our willingness to identify them, name them for what they are and re-write our story with Truth and evidence.

How to begin your journey:
· Shift your attitude to one of being willing and open to take a realistic look at your limiting beliefs.
· Identify what your limiting beliefs are. Write them down in a journal in concise sentences. You don't have to identify who, when or why, just what they were.

Ask yourself:
· How is this belief showing up and running my life now?
· How is this belief keeping me bound or stuck in my life?
· Who would I be without this belief?

Recognize and name these beliefs for what they are -LIES, LIES LIES!!! And a means to keep you from fully evolving into who you are.

Re-write your beliefs. For example, if you believe you are not good enough, your New Belief becomes:
· I am good enough, I am perfect for who I am in this moment and time.
My Truth is:
· I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
· I am a precious child of God, His hands made me and formed me.

My evidence is: (name at least three)
· I am married to a wonderful man that loves me.
· I have many friends and they enjoy my company.
· I have touched (name their names) lives because of God's unique gifts that He gave to me.

Write your Truth and evidence on a card and keep it with you. Read it often and notice what shows up in your life.

Handling Your Life With Care

When inner challenges bubble to the surface of your life, how do you handle them?

Do you:

a. Ask why me? It's not fair.
b. Give in, isolate yourself, or wallow in it, feeling that you are doomed and believe that things will never change?
c. Go into overdrive, or panic mode searching for anything and everything that will keep you busy.
d. Believe that you are a failure or not good enough so why try?

The past few months I have waded through the waters of some inner challenges. To be honest, I did ask, "why me, why now, it's not fair." I heard the voice of failure and heard it's words say, "your not good enough." I admit, I was not on the mountaintop of my life, and try as I might I could not shake the feeling that I was heading towards the bottomless pit. What happened next, (don't you love it when there is a "what happened next," in the story), were a series of events, awareness's and Spiritual insights that occurred to guide me back towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

Below are some insights I am learning from my experience that I want to share with you. My hope is that you will find them useful if you are in a similar challenge.

Take time to listen to your Spirit. What sense do you get when you ask yourself, what is God up to in my life right now? I kept sensing surrender, let go. I did not know exactly what this meant or what it looked like but in time, the meaning started to unfold. Clarity comes when we are being still and willing to face what is in front of us. Fortunately, we do not have to face it alone.

Change your mindset. When the trials of life bubble up embrace them for being there for a reason, an opportunity. If we push them beneath the surface, we let pass what could have been an astounding change for our lives. No need to feel stuck, there is always a way through to the other side but we have to choose. Do we want growth and change? Choosing to wade instead of wallow will bring about growth. Neither path is easy, but at least there is a future and a hope if we move forward.

Listen to your body. Our bodies will give us warning signs if we will pay attention. Depression, anxiety, worry, constant headaches or stomachaches can be signs that point toward something being wrong.
It may be time to enlist help. Visit your doctor, chiropractor or naturopath for your physical health. Hire a therapist, counselor or coach for your mental health. Do you pride yourself on being the lone ranger and a do it yourself attitude? How has that worked for you? If it's not working why not try a different approach? Have you heard that doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity?

Tell someone you feel safe with about it. Let yourself be vulnerable and see what happens. Safe, close friends or family members can be valuable support if you let them. It's okay if it's all about you for awhile, someday it will be all about them and you can be there to return the support. True friendship is not a one-sided relationship.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself what you need during this time. It might be some space and time, or to not criticize or judge yourself so harshly. You are not doomed to be the victim; you have an active role to play in your life.